Arhiva | septembrie, 2013

Oraşul mi-e duşman

30 sept.

Mă simt foarte singură în aglomeraţie. Privirile goale şi tâmpe ale oamenilor din jur mă zdrobesc efectiv, fără să îmi dea răgazul să îmi ies din starea mea de moleşeală accentuată.

Câteodată mi-e lehamite de tot, de pământ, de oameni, de vreme, de maşini, de mulţimi grăbite să fie undeva unde nu şi-ar dori, de ciocolată caldă rece, de soarele care nu mai vrea să iasă. Mi-aş dori să pot evada. Dar nu neapărat din oraş, pentru că nu asta înseamnă pentru mine să evadez; mi-aş dori să pot să ajung la tine doar, cumva, evadând din atitudinea asta cronică de „lasă-mă să te las” pe care o văd peste tot în juru-mi. E ca şi cum şi-au pus toţi în minte să fie ignoranţi, reci, fără vlagă.

Fraţilor vă spun cinstit, oraşul m-a nenorocit

 

Dar şi mâine am să mă gândesc la asta (la asta şi la tine, desigur)  în timp ce merg spre casă. Şi mâine, în privirile nevrotice ale Constănţenilor înţepaţi.

 

Deary

17 sept.

There comes a time in your life when you desperately try to forget, but all that comes up into your mind is his last smattering of affection.

You long for attention, calls, texts, words, pictures… attention. But he’s long gone and moved on and you’re yet to become a loner.

I”ll pass feelings this time.

Stay away from my heart. Alright, deary ?

I am not me

7 sept.

There’s this cute little fly right in front of me, trying to escape the rough path of a circle.

Is your wing broken, little fly ? Do you need any help ? Oh, If only I could help you, I would. But I can’t. The same way I can’t help myself from acting like mad. Such a kaleidoscope of thoughts. Isn’t it beautiful, to think ? To overthink…?

Any way the wind blows, I will keep on ignoring it, just like I am going to do with the stabs and slaps I am to be given in the future.

 

Lately, I’ve been claiming not to be me. I wonder when I am going to come back to…me.

 

Quote

6 sept.

I quote.

 

„Yet, I am not sure I have such feelings right now. I have such utopical visions about love that I am not sure I will ever feel it at its true meaning for me. But, even so, the rate I fall in love with people I shouldn’t is way too high. Maybe I should wait. Maybe I should grow up, before I assume I have any idea about the complexity of this so-desired feeling.

I am just a person. Just dust in this loveless world. I need a cat. Right meow.”

 

[…]

 

„This is not like the movies. This is the real life. And real life is 89% real and 11% a chiché. Don’t ask me for the numbers, I don’t know them.

Exactly the same way I don’t know you, devil. You are probably never going to read this,because I won’t let you touch it, I won’t let you know how important you are right now, 5th of september”, for me. You will only find out , if you are going to, after years and years, when I won’t be thinking about you anymore and you going to be only a sheer memory of the past”.

 

[…]

„There is no easy way, I believe.”

 

End of quote.