Arhiva | octombrie, 2012

Trecutul – un mod de viata ?

31 oct.

„Darlin’, you’re hiding in the closet once again…”

Consider ca am deficit de atentie. Ori de cate ori reusesc, dupa minute bune de incercari, sa ma concentrez la ceva, atentia imi este distrasa in majoritatea timpului de telefon. Primesc, in general, mesaje. Si mesajele au, in general, un continut mai mult sau mai putin legat de trecut.

S-a efectuat un studiu pe baza regretelor pe care le au cei mai multi dintre oameni atunci cand vine vorba sa-si spuna ultimele cuvinte. In ordine, lista arata cam asa :

1. Regreta ca nu au trait viata pe care o voiau ei insisi, nu ceilalti

2. Regreta ca si-au pierdut prea mult timp muncind

3. Regreta ca nu si-au exprimat adevaratele sentimente

4. Regreta ca nu au ramas cu aceeasi prieteni toata viata

5. Regreta ca nu au dus o viata fericita din cauza prejudecatilor

 

Si aici vine intrebarea mea. Daca, eu ca om, realizez toate aceste lucruri, sa zicem, la timp, las trecutul sa ma defineasca sau incerc sa invat din el si sa schimb lucrurile in cat mai bine cu putinta ? Asa ziceam si eu.

Multi traiesc in trecut, se lasa prada melancoliei si se inchid in ei, preferand o viata solitara uneia vesela, sustinuta de prieteni , zambete, vata de zahar si ciocolata. Daca, din intamplare, cunoasteti pe cineva care nu-si poate reveni din regrete si suspine, dati-i o palma ! Dar, nu peste fata… Peste suflet. Treziti-l brusc, apoi alinati-l, ca sa inteleaga ca oamenii destepti sunt aceia fara regrete si care nu tin cont de afaceri incheiate demult la OMV daca acum lucreaza la ROMPETROL. Capisci ?

 

The Girl Who Lost Her Mom

30 oct.

 

The sky was crystal clear. There were no signs of storm and the temperature was almost perfect, with cold chills now and then. If out there were to be clouds later on, they would’ve been completely outshined by the huge red hot air balloon that was making its way along the horizon.

The landscape from up there was wonderful, supposing what you could see was the whole land lying at your feet. Blonde curls was mostly everything you could see in that balloon from down the hills. Flocks and herds kept eating their breakfast as the hot air balloon kept breaking away. Besides the sheep dialects, everything was quiet and still. Only the wind was talking to Anabelle now.

– Daddy, where’s mommy ? 5 year old Anabelle asked innocently.

– Well, mommy is not going to come home too soon, Anabelle. She is… Well, she is up there, in the skies !

– In the skies ? But why, daddy, doesn;t she love us anymore ?

– Oh, of course she does, my darling, but she can’t possibly see us anymore… We’ll have to make mommy proud by getting along together, okay, sweety ?

– But , daddy… We have to bring mommy back !

-We can’t, Anabelle…

-But daddy…

-Go to sleep , sweety .
Little Anabelle’s cobalt blue eyes were flooded with heavy tears. If her dad wasn’t willing to help her out, she had to do it on her own, right ? She was now sighing deeply while crying her heart out.

– I am going to find you, mom !

The red hot air balloon continued its way through the skies.

 

 

Nota de subsol : Religia e stupida, uite ce-i facu bietului copil.

 

 

What ?

27 oct.

„I just want you close…”

Today was one of the most inguiring days ever. It kind of consisted in 4 big parts, which didn’t even relate one to another.
1. Today I woke up ,washed my face, brushed my teeth, ate,dressed up, left home, stopped by the supermarket, bought lots of stuff and got back home, all within an hour.I can’t explain this. I mean, everyday I get up early and I pretty much hurry, but I can’t even wash my face, brush my teeth and dress up in 40 minutes. I reapeat myself. I even HURRY. How the heck is this possible?

 

2. I just stood in front of you for almost an hour and a half. Well, at first, I ate and complained about the spicy food, but after that, I just pretended to be interested in my phone (actually, I wasn’t,I tried to get you distracted from the serious look on my face). I was thinking that „hey, look, we’re just standing here, touching hands, and yet, I am happier than ever – what’s wrong with me ?’. I could’ve stayed there forever, just looking at you. Don’t ask me why, I just found that moment infinite.

 

3. I was at this concert which I’ve been waiting for for some time and, when the artist finally popped up on the stage, I was extremely happy. But little did I know. I only found out how happy I was when I found myself crying over the entire first three songs, while singing along. My mom thought I caught a cold, but I explained it to her. She looked pretty amazed. I never felt like that before. Like, never.

 

4.

People Always Forget the Good

24 oct.

It’s funny how opinions change along time. It’s funny how you find yourself thinking in a specific way about something, someone, and then, after a time-lapse you suddenly start stating different things. Why is that ?

Today I found myself in a situation that made me go poker face. I haven’t felt anything like this in a while, ‘cause no bad thing was worth that much of consideration, but now it stroke me with such power that it gave me heart burn. It’s that state of misery you find yourself in after a breakup, after losing somebody, after accidentally destroying something you’ve worked so hard on.

That’s how I felt today when some old friend told me … Well, it’s not important, it’s just that…I started questioning myself. What if I am really horrible ?My opinion about EVERYTHING changed.

Brace yourselves. Changes ahead. BIG changes.

 

Cuddling

23 oct.

There was this subtle scent of lavender around the room, that kept the atmosphere british. A few attempts of mine to say cute stuff ended up in your sweet kisses. Really, now, why do you always shut me up when I say silly cute stuff ?
I pushed you and you fell easily. I crawled to you and I snuggled in your arms. You kissed my forehead and I started to daydream about swarming up on you and kissing you right on your goddamn face, lips, earlobes. Then you’d tumble down over me and tickle and paw and kiss me like you’d kiss your dearest person in the world.

But then I came back to reality and… Wait, you really were all over me.

 

I give it all my oxygen

So let the flames begin

Perfect

19 oct.

The greatest thing you’ll every learn, is just to love and be loved in return…

Pe langa faptul ca mi-a mers melita incontinuu timp de jumatate de ora in care ti-am descris fiecare secunda a zilei mele , de fapt, plictisitoare, dar pe care am facut-o sa sune mai interesanta, totul a fost…perfect. Adica, bine, realizez ca ne-am pupacit incontinuu si nu am facut decat chestii dulci, dar…era ca si cand oricum nu aveam nevoie de altceva.

Degete reci pe sub puloverul meu. Mana ta pe mijlocul meu. Un sarut prelung.
„Uau, straluceste asa de tare.”
Ochii tai lipiti intr-ai mei imi acapareaza privirea.
„Hei, nu mai luceste asa tare. Se stinge ? A murit ? Hei, uite, cade !”
„Unde?”
„Acolo !”
A fost ceva extraordinar. Sa vad o stea in momentul ei de glorie, apoi stingandu-se si desprinzandu-se incet, stand la tine in brate, cu jumatate de fata ingropata in hanoracul tau albastru – sentiment de nedescris. Nu imi dau seama de ce s-a intamplat tocmai acum, dar ma bucur. Mult. Inseamna mult…
Un „Te iubesc.” soptit fugar la ureche.
18 oct.

I wear this angels crown
To cover up my devil’s frown

 

Ma gandeam acum la decizia mea de a ramane doar eu cu mine. Cat de stupid !

In primul rand, nu pot, ca is trei oameni aici de mi se tot baga in suflet incontinuu, si nu prea am cum sa-i dau afara. Si le sunt recunoscatoare, foarte recunoscatoare. Stiu cat de dificila pot fi.

In al doilea rand, chiar daca incerc sa resping lumea…stiu ca de fapt am nevoie si mai multa.