Arhiva | iulie, 2012

Through the good and the bad and the ugly

31 iul.

How did it end up like this ?


I couldn’t regain my breath right away. I was standing there, speechless, weak.

„It’s you, it’s always been you”, I whispered.

And then, you came  and gave me this long-hold-me-tight-squeeze-me-sweep-me-off-my-feet hug, which took away my oxygen and made me dizzy. And there they were, all the things you’ve ever said to me, running around in my head, bouncing and colliding, making me unable to say a single word. You had that look in your eyes. Why did you have that look, why ?

The weaker I got, the stronger my feelings began to grow. And then I knew, right there, right then, that I should have…I could have…But I never…And I’ll never…Maybe.

But it was just a dream.


And he said „I want you forever, forever and always”…


Did you fall for a shooting star?

29 iul.

Please read this post using a british accent. Thank yew.

„I’m safe with you, but should I, huh ?”

Well, last night we got home walking. And we walked a lot, like, really… A LOT. And I had enough time to think about a lot of things, things that maybe wouldn’t have even crossed my mind otherwise.

While I was thinking about the future (which is a damn rare thing, my friends know how I only plan at most a week), I randomly looked up into the sky, and there they were… Lots of skylanterns, flying away and trying to fulfill strangers’ wishes. This made me wonder. We entrust our hopes to some flying pieces of paper and really believe they’d work. If only they did !

Skylanterns always reminded me of shooting stars.

Shooting stars are amazing, aren’t they ? At first, they’re just like…you know, simple stars, standing there, letting you watch them as they put on their best show. And when you finally think you’ve reached them, ‘cause you can find them even when it’s cloudy, even in the dawn, even when it’s sunny… They fall.

Why do they fall ? Why ?

They’re so beautiful, they’re perfect, they’re…asdfghjkl . Still, they fall. Is it because they want more ? Is it because they’re not pleased with their place in the sky ? Is it because they want…something else ? Maybe they don’t wanna be stars anymore, who knows ? Maybe they wanna be… drops in the ocean.

So they fall. They become shooting stars. And this way, they lose trace of everything they ever were. And become...stardust.

Are we shooting stars ? Are we ? I’d bet my heart we are.

Dear You

25 iul.

Letting go

24 iul.


She was standing there, with her eyes all teared up, not knowing if she should let them fall or not. And then, in that moment, she burst in infinite tears.

It was like they were neverending, more and more coming out as she was wiping them off. She looked out the window, but she could not distinguish anything – her sight grew dim. She could not explain that waterfall of emotions, regrets and fears that was soaking her. It had felt so right, so perfect, so the-thing-she-was-waiting-for-ish, why did she decide to end it ?

Stupid girl. Stupid girl. Stupid girl.

The only thing that would continuously pop into her head was the sad look on his face when she left. And then, this turmoil of flashbacks kept on sweeping her off her feet, reminding her why she loved him. Reminding her what her place was. Reminding her where she should be. And then she knew there wasn’t a thing more wrong than letting go.

Agony. Courage. Hope. Happiness. And now she’s back, happier and more in love than she ever was, ‘cause he’s here.



Love songs

23 iul.


I remember what you wore on our first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something
‘Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I’m left with nothing

So maybe it’s true, that I can’t live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there’s so much time, to figure out the rest in my life
And you’ve already got me coming undone
And I’m thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
‘Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything’s okay
And finally now, believing


22 iul.

It’s an unrequited love kinda thing. You know, when you fall in love with someone , you’re willing to give them your feelings, your heart. But what happens when that person doesn’t want to accept them ? What do you do with those feelings ? ‘Cause, apparently, you cannot throw them away like you throw the junk. ‘Cause they’re precious, they’re rare, it’s not like you love someone different each day.

Once not accepted, the heart begins to look more like a safe than like a vital organ. It stores and stores and stores feelings, until they escape through veins and go into the subconscious and stay there for some time…either until they’re requited, either a lifetime.

So, what happens when the one that didn’t feel the same at first realises that he actually does ? The feelings burst out, dying to meet the other one’s and they’re twirling and running and sparkling and just won’t stay in place.

And here comes up ration, trying to conquer the heart.

Wouldn’t it be easier just to let go ?



20 iul.

This is not me acting like this, thinking like this, loving like this. This is not me.

This is not me, not seizing the day, just waiting for it to end so I can fall asleep.

This is not me, feeling sorry and guilty for things I’ve never done.

This is not me, secretly hoping for a twist of fate and , at the same time, wanting to keep things as they are.

This is not me, being so selfish about everything and thinking I deserve it all.

That wasn’t me, giving up so soon.

This is not me, smiling for so long.

Something bad’s going to happen.

I can feel it.


16 iul.


Nimic. Nimic. Nimic.

Nu e ca si cand as fii inchisa intr-o capsula, izolata intre cer si pamant, fara prosibilitatea de a alege intre unde vreau sa fiu si unde ar trebui sa fiu… De fapt, sunt libera.

Libera ca o pasare intr-o cusca cu portita deschisa. O pasare care a stat acolo mult, mult timp, si care cunoaste colivia ca pe „propriile-i pene”, o pasare care iubeste colivia aia. Dar, odata deschisa portita, orice suflet tinde sa zboare, nu ?

Sunt o fraiera. Eu nici macar nu stiu sa zbor, nici macar nu am stiut vreodata, stiu doar ca vreau cu nerabdare sa invat, si cat mai repede. Ar fii mult mai usor sa zbor decat sa sar de colo colo ca un strut cu ADHD…Mi-as dori sa fiu o egreta, dar si mai mult, imi doresc o perna…

Imi pare rau. Imi pare rau ca nu pot sa zbor. Imi pare rau ca totusi, ti-am zis ca pot. Imi pare rau ca nu mai am aripi, ca te-am dezamagit. Imi doresc sa fi fost mai puternica.




16 iul.


Pai, da… Pentru ca, nu stiu cum sa explic asta, eram asa posomorata in banca cateodata, sau chiar foarte concentrata, si deodata zbarnaia telefonul. Si toata concentrarea mea intensa si interesul ala nejustificat zburau intr-o fractiune de secunda cand imi verificam mobilul si vedeam acolo forma aia mica de puzzle pe care trebuia s-o pun in locul potrivit ca sa deblochez mesajul. Si era mereu acelasi mesaj, mereu acelasi, dar nu conta, pentru ca deja ma obisnuisem cu el, stiam cum arata, chiar imi placea… era un „Ce faci ?”. Atat. Si „Ce faci?”-ul ala imi schimba toata ziua, deveneam o mica visatoare instant si o innebuneam pe Ioana „Uite…Uiteeeeeeeee !!!” si ea isi dadea ochii peste cap, toata un zambet, si se uita la privirea mea tembela si entuziasmata, in timp ce scriam inapoi.

„Ce faci ?”

Pai, stii, avand in vedere ca mereu primeam mesajul in timpul orelor, iar cel ce il trimitea stia asta, as fi putut sa-i trimit un „escaladez Everestul” asa, just to fuck with him, dar nu, mereu ii raspundeam cu o chestie banala, care probabil intrerupea conversatia pentru vreo zece, douaj’ de minute. Ma rog, lasam la o parte faptul ca il lasam si eu sa fiarba vreo zece minute pana sa-i raspund, uneori intentionat, uneori nu, si eram asa prinsa de mesajul ala pe fond galben…

De fapt, si acum cand vad mesajul ala reactionez la fel, nu stiu de ce, nu ar trebui, chiar nu ar trebui. Sunt doar doua cuvinte. Nu e ca si cand ar fi acele doua cuvinte.

Acum e vara. Am asteptat mult vara. Poate prea mult. Acum ca a venit, vreau februarie inapoi…


16 iul.

It’s all so clear now, it’s almost like it’s always been there, right in the front of my eyes, and I didn’t notice it. I wasn’t imagining it, it was true,it was  real, touchable, only … it wasn’t the kind I would’ve wanted it to be.

It would’ve been exactly how I’ve predicted it, if I didn’t rush things out. I am just wondering… should I think about it ?

Metaphorically speaking.